I'm so fucking centered right now
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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