Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
