Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize