next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
