You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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