ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize