Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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