Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Randomize
