my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
