I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
