I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
