i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize