was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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