He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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