Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
