I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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