So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Randomize
