yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
