I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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