But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
