Where did you get a picture of my penis
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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