My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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