You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
