I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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