this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
the room spins SO much faster in panama
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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