Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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