she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
