oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
