So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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