I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize