If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
