I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
