IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
