Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Randomize
