im having a threesome with these popsicles
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
