I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
