Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
