What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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