his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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