This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
