I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
