The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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