You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
