fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
