My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize