My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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