then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
