is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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