that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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