I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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