I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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