...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
