planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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