I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
