I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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