so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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