Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
