I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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