She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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