you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
i out mim tonsoeep
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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