I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
