Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
