is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
