did you get engaged???
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
