I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Drunk is not a location!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
