I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
