Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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