i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
