Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
