Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
