I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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