Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
