and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
