you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
