you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You were trust falling into bushes
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
