People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize