he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
