she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
