i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I wish there were birth control emojis
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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