; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
