I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
