there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
