Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
