She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
