so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
