I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
