He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
