evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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