Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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