You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
